And still waiting….

We’ve undergone injectable medications for fertility and more IUIs and no success. Gav asked today while at the toy store, “Mommy, when are we going to get a baby?” I would have never guessed that the most pressure to have another child would come from our own son. I’ve known so many other “only children” and wonder if their parents simply told them they didn’t want any more children and they too could not have anymore. I’ve chosen to remain open to him about it, however, I’m not sure if this was the right choice.

As far as the adoption-foster or domestic- we remain conflicted. Since we are still undergoing fertility treatment, we aren’t obligated to make any choices at this time. However, I hope our fertility treatments will be successful and I’m leaning towards opting for IVF so that we will not have to choose.

Since our last blog post, members of our family have undergone an investigation with child protective services. It was a bogus investigation, and there clearly was no abuse after just a little probing. The 2 month old baby had a hematoma, and the case was reported by mandatory reporters, ie a 3rd year resident probably without any children themselves. After almost 2 months of an open case and having to comply with “a safety plan” and obtaining lawyers from the Family Defense Center, they were able to move on with their lives. They could not spend the night in the same home as their baby for 2 months. They had to secure an alternate 24 hr caregiver for their baby “for supervised parenting” and caregiving overnight. It was either leave the baby with family hours away or risk having the baby removed from the home so that they parents could remain in their home and the baby remain in the Chicago area. I now see firsthand, what these investigations do to family and the amount of stress they pose. The caseworker refused to answer or provide any concrete information. Without the attorney’s, the family would not know their rights, nor would DHS make sure to adhere to the law, due process or even follow policy. I don’t fully trust DHS at this point, and I don’t know if I could take in a child for adoption without being certain that the child was truly endanger with their biological parents or the biological parents truly could not care for their child. I ethically could not adopt a child knowing that the child might have been removed from their biological parents in an unethical manner. This is the very reason to why I don’t trust International adoptions, yet our country could be following practices that may be just as unethical.

Link to National Coalition for Child Protection Reform

Family Defense Center


Turkey Basting #2

Had second IUI (intra-uterine insemnation) today.

While waiting, I was disgusted to see a pregnant woman with her 3 boys following behind her like little duckings and the forth going along for a ride in a stroller. I’m assuming since these children were not in school, they were all 5 years old and younger.  The boy in the stroller couldn’t have been older then 18 months.  She was quiet pregnant, appearing around 7-8 months but definitely not full-term yet. She was in her hyper-focus, get-‘er done, state while moving from 1 spot to another. She said very little and had quiet the somber, somewhat irritated or someone depressed look about her.  She and her family would not be considered to be “trashy” just, ummm “Dubuque”.  She appeared quiet detached from emotion, from any feelings towards her children as so many woman appear when they have more children then what they seem to be able to manage.  While leaving the back clinic area to return to the waiting area, she went straight to the tv without acknowledging me or another young woman were also sitting in the waiting area. While we were at some distance from the tv with magazines in-hand, she immediately changed the television to cartoons for her boys. They obediently sat right in front, though no audible verbal direction was given. The other woman and I exchanged glances. I grew quiet irritated that she changed the television with complete disregard for the other people in the waiting area whom could have been watching it.  Secondly, I thought to myself, if you are so unhappy with your children, why have them?  I wonder what the other young woman who exchanged that milli-second glance with me was thinking.

I become saddened about my difficulties once again by the thought that someone that appears so unhappy and depressed can still conceive (she didn’t look any younger then myself).  I was angered that some people continue to procreate despite their obvious unhappiness and difficulties being parents. Lastly, I’m jealous that this is another person that has taken for granted their ability to easily have just one more. I won’t even begin to go into the thoughts that I have about people just having so many damn children with such disregard in the consumption and environmental impact of over-populating the world…those feelings about that issue are quiet repressed at this point as controversial of a stance that is.

Now….for the two week wait.

On a lighter note….

My geeky green post for the day.

I reused dirt today. I scooped up the dirt on the down side of the hill behind our house and put back up where it probably came from. I unearthed the bricks that were bordering the landscaped area of our “garden”. I also dumped out the dirt from the pots where only dead plants once occupied. It was fantastic for filling in the spots that the rain had eroded away. Why buy more dirt? What a strange thing to do…buy dirt.

I recycle all kinds of plastic bags, bread bags, the bags that toilet paper comes and paper towels come in. No, I have not been able to rid myself of these yet. I know once we are sans children, it will be much easier to be sans paper towels. However, I’m beginning to get accustomed to using old “rags” for clean-up then disposable paper towels or other disposable cleaning tool. I even recycle toilet paper rolls and labels off of new clothes. I try to carry reuseable bags or use just my purse whenever possible. Somehow we still manage to acquire enough plastic bags to use for pet waste and to line the garbage cans of our 4 bathrooms.  Whoever invented those rolls of plastic bags for doggy poo pick-up or for dirty diaper disposal is nuts. One household can surely acquire enough plastic bags to not ever need to purchase those. Yes, I have even used bread bags and the toilet paper plastic packaging for dirty diapers.

This is a work in progress and I’m constantly assessing where I can do better and reduce my families carbon footprint. It is a never ending journey of improvement (such a self-defeating feeling at times).  Yes, we have a rather larger house on a rather large piece of land (0.6 acres) but our electric and gas bills are half of what we spent on your old house that was even 1/3rd the size.  It was a cute and charming house built circa 1925. I’m also currently working on riding of toxic cleaners. I’m using up what I already have and am trying to actually acquire enough containers for each bathroom to hold non-toxic cleaners like vinegar and backing soda, rags to wash, etc. I’m learning how to use and make the cleaners that my grandma probably use to use. They actually work well and are extremely cheap too. Even better, I now feel safer in enlisting the assistance of son.  I get some help from him and I don’t have to worry too much exposing him to poisons.  He loves scrubbing the toilet and bathtub. If one doesn’t believe in “greening” their life, they at least can appreciate assistance from their child while teaching them some kind of work-ethic.

Hello world!

Today is the beginning of a journey for us. We’ve been trying to conceive for over 2 years now and infertility treatments are well underway. In fact, our second IUI (intra-uterine insemination) is scheduled for next week. I’m not fully sure where this journey will take us or even where it could even take us. The biggest part of this journey is discovering just that. It’s an education that is for sure.

Why today? We are officially scheduled to attend an informational/orientation to foster parenting. I recently received the paperwork from the foster-parenting organization that says “only 15% of foster children are eligible for adoption.” That is not quiet what I expected. However, I do not exactly know what I expected. It’s discouraging and overwhelming at the same time.  Furthermore, Patrick heard from a social worker today at work that there is a great need for foster parents in this area because most of the families are so large here (many families have 4 or more children) that no one can possibly take in more children via foster.  How sad is that? We are a society that continues to populate the world with more children when there are so many that are in need.

I wonder further about private adoption as well.  I have so many questions and so many fears. I worry and wonder what path are we meant to take and which one will work for us. None of the options appear ideal. I hunger for more and more information about each every option in hopes that we will discover the one that will be right for us.

… just 1 more is all that I hope for.